To Do list

... Homework
... Get fit
... Do well in School
... Find a Companion
... Get to lvl 99!
... Become Creator Class on RO

Reading List

... The Metamorphosis
- Franz Kafka(current)
... The Artist's Way
- Julia Cameron
... Last Sam's Cage
- David A.Poulsen (finished)
... The Sight
- David Clement Davies (finished)

Upcoming Events

... Samhain (31/10/05
... Sister's Birthday (22/11/05)
... Trip to Africa (??/??/??)

Links

... My RO Blog
... NarutoFan
... Ragnarok Online
... My Guild
... Character Simulator

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The WeatherPixie

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Rainy Days and The Back To School Blues
(The Bitter Bitchings of a Hermit)

*sigh* It was one of those shit ass days, where everything that can go wrong does go wrong. It was cloudy, sometimes it would rain and things I didn't want to hear were announced to me with a spiteful glee. Mother told me without even looking back out the door that I was going to get driven to Eastglenn by Percy tomorrow to get registered for school. There's two things that bothered me in that announcement.
One, WHY the FUCK is Percy of all people taking me there? Why can't mom do it, shouldn't a parents be with me? I'm tired of Percy doing everything that my mom or dad should be doing. Percy came my grade 9 grad, Percy came to my sister's grade 9 grad, Percy will most likely go to my grade 12 grad. What. The. Fuck. Where is my dad? Neither of my parents have ever had any time for me. Did anyone realize that I may like spending time with my family? Or was the call of money that strong on them? I guess so. Maybe I would like a little support for a change, maybe I would like my dad to be here for my birthday. Do you know what it's like to get a lecture over the internet on MSN messenger from my dad when I do something wrong? It's meaningless! It means shit to me! All I see is text and a "dad" who is too far away to do anything about whatever I do. Now mom and her fucking daycare. It's Ironic how she can take care of 12 kids for 11 hours a day but when I want a little attention, god forbid I get it!
I'm tired of Percy doing everything mom says, it Kayla and I who get stuck in the damn came hearing about it. He's 23, single and whipped by his mom. So my mom is trying to get him unwhipped. But the funny thing is SHE takes advantage of him just as much as his own mother does. My mother is bossy, she expects everyone to listen to her but she doesn't listen to anyone else.
Point Two! Eastglenn. Why the fuck did she choose Eastglenn. I would have loved to go back to Victoria Comp. But god forbid mom listen to me, I guess she thinks that throwing me in a completely new crowd of people after being completely alone for the last 6 months will be good for me. Perfect. I had been taken out of grade 11 because I refused to go to school and sat on a bus because I'm anti social. SURE! Let's throw me a completely new environment and see how long it takes me to snap. Fun for the whole fucking disfunctional family. We'll let Kayla be the who cleans and does her homework, but would whore herself out to any guy who crossed her path be defined as perfect. I'll become the family pain in the ass that no one ever wants to talk about and who, everyone is convinced will just go away if they ignore me.
What's the point of this rant you say? I want my fucking parents TO BE THERE. Whether I am 17 or not, I STILL NEED THEM and want their fucking attention. My dad has been working overseas for 5 fucking years. He goes away for 6 months and comes back for a month and thinks he's done the family a favor. When he is home he does whatever kayla and I want, mostly because he feels guilty. At least I hope he does, it's not supposed to be produced from a sense of duty. But I don't ask anything when he tries to spoil us, I buy my own shit or I don't get it at all. I don't want material shit from my parents, that's not what I need. I want fucking love! I need it, I crave it, why don't I get it? My sister always says I'm mean, bitter and selfish. What else would one expect when all I have to keep myself company is myself? Wouldn't you be bitter too?
I'm not a talkative person, I can't usually find words to describe how I am feeling or what's wrong with me. But I can write. I can write for hours, and only I read it. Only I see it. I get to review it, maul it over and soak in whatever I write. I used to write in my diaries but they get broken into by my idiot sister.
This blog is secure though, only one other person has the link to here. My dad asked for the URL once. When I said no he said it was odd that I would present my self to the whole internet on a webpage but I wouldn't let my own father read it. Maybe it's my lack of trust and a broken bond between us long due for a repair, or maybe I just want my own private place to scream. Maybe I want everyone but those close to me to see my thoughts.
My emo, angry, idiotic thoughts...
I rant everyday now, but it's better than what I used to do; plot to kill my sister and mutilate my dad so he wouldn't work anymore. Maybe things are improving.
Or maybe I have submitted to a deeper, more inner insanity.

Here's a test I took today. The art is nice, but I don't think the questions give enough room for an accurate result, maybe I am having an off day:
stufff
You are the Spirit of Hope. Whenever someone is
feeling down, they merely have to think of you
to make them happy again. You have the ability
to simply radiate happiness. You can make
friends quickly because your strong point is
your amazingly friendly nature which naturally
people want to be with. You think about the
best in everything, a total optimist, you won't
have any trouble getting a worthy person to
shae your life with!

Which stunning spirit of emotion are you? NEW AND IMPROVED! (amazingly beautiful anime pics!) By Quizilla.com

Kat posted at 10:58 p.m..

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Me


Name: Kat
Home: Alberta, Canada
About Me: To my knowledge, Harum-scarum means reckless.I play a lvl 97 Alchemist on the iRO chaos server. Currently soul searching, trying to understand who I am. I'm shy, quiet; which tends to leave me feeling lonely. This is my last year of highschool before real life begins... I couldn't be less prepared for it.
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